Who am I?

For some reason, maybe it being Easter and celebrating the great “I am”, I’ve been drawn to the idea or felt the need to figure out who I am. Am I a just a mom, or wife, or bipolar patient, or radio op manager? Am I a hard ass as a parent, messing up my kids worse? Do they screw up because I’m not teaching them enough or the wrong things?

I saw a video from Tauren Wells one of my favorite Christian artists and he said that he thinks people get Identity and Assignment confused. Our Identity is a child of God. End of sentence. Everything else is an assignment God gives us. Daughter, Sister, Parent, Wife, Employee, Worshiper, etc. Those are assignments God has given me. I want an pray often to be the best at all of those. At all of the assignments. Flawless, no errors. Perfect. Even knowing that doesn’t exist.

So who am I? I am a child of God. He created me and wants me on this earth. He has given me assignments and opportunities to grow and fail. Growth occurs in the failures and through him success in my assignments, right?

Sometimes I still feel 17. Only in the fact that I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished what I think an almost 38 year old should have. Especially the expectations the 17 year old that graduated in 1999 had. There has been a whole lot of life in between. The gray in my hair thats getting more and more difficult to hide, the metabolism thats in the trash most days and increasing wrinkles are all reminders of me getting physically older. Why am I struggling to let go of that 17 year old. She had no clue how the world really is. How to take care of herself, let alone others. I’m blessed regardless.

Then I read some articles out of one of my favorite magazines that are focused on authenticity. That’s a different take on the whole Identity/Assignment situation. Am i genuine? Not always. I fear I am less than most of the time. I constantly am trying to be what I need to be in situations or for my assignments. My goal this year was to thrive and find joy regardless of circumstance, but maybe before that can happen (cause the enemy done been kickin’ my ass left and right) Maybe, I need to learn the difference between Identity and Assignment and who I am authentically regardless of which assignment I’m in the middle of. Regardless of whatever season I am in the middle of. Then, God the Father Almighty, will show me how to live in joy and thrive. I need to follow God and the rest of my assignments will be clear, in joy and thriving. The best follower of Christ, Daughter, Sister, Mother, Wife, Church Member, Friend, Coworker, boss and all of the assignments God puts in my path to Him. I cannot do any of those things or succeed in any of those assignments without Him.