Rollercoaster Riding

Blessings, joy, loss, grief. To go through certain emotions and in cycles is normal for most people not just those of us with bipolar. Right now though, I’m trying to figure out if these are normal emotional cycles or if my bipolar greatness has graced me with her presence. In the last few weeks I have been in a better mood than I have in awhile. A long while. I started working out first thing in the morning before work, I wasn’t as agitated as easily. I was able to communicate. I wasn’t eating hardly any processed sugar. Most of it was going well, until the end of last week and this week. I’m tired, irritable, annoyed and I haven’t been pressing as hard in workouts. My eating hasn’t been great. I’m sad. Last Friday would have been my grandpa’s birthday. He died almost a year and a half ago. The station had the last Polka Party. Ending a 39 year tradition and something my grandpa loved. We had to rehome Onyx and that made me sad. Watching my children’s hearts break was devastating. A huge scary work project got dumped on me and I’m freaking out about it and shutting down all at the same time. I’m super forgetful, I’ve driven or started driving to wrong places. So is this normal life-emotional cycle or am I going hypomanic. My favorite guessing game/amusement park ride. The mental health roller coaster. God please help me. Help me go back to feeling like I was thriving instead of the current survival mode. Wanting to crawl in a hole.