So this is 38…

Today marks one full week of me being 38 years old. I tried like hell to have a positive attitude going in to my birthday and was quickly met by a craptastic poo storm. The good stuff… I got my fitbit that I have wanted for a really long time to help with my health goals. YAY. My kids and husband gave me very sweet thoughtful small gifts for my birthday. YAY. Our new cat ran away. But he was found the next day. Boo and YAY. My debit card was compromised and we had fraud on our account. BOO. It could have been way worse financially, and its just a few things to wrap up. Yay-ish. I caught a hellacious cold that I’m still fighting (going into my 5th day). No comment. I have had the energy to get back to the gym and just walk on the treadmill. Yay. We, meaning my family (all 4 of us), have been making plans for the next weekish to spend time together. YAY! Last night the kids wanted movie night and my spouse, who struggles with his own mental health poopy heads, made suggestions and was present for it AND we all enjoyed watching it. No whining because it wasn’t what the kids wanted to watch. It was one of he and my favorite movies. YAY YAY YAY! So take away, it was definitely life. Good and bad, but in retrospect, there was really more good than bad. I just lost sight ALL of the good.

So now what? I’m struggling at work. There are some personality clashes and my patience and fuse for all work related things is definitely getting shorter by the minute. That being said, I don’t think I’ve had true time off without stressing about something or logging in to do something since December. I was getting sick for that round of time off too. I’m sure like the negativity I was focusing on I’m missing time off. I’m missing breaks, but other than sick kids, I truly can’t think of restful time off, since November when I got to live a dream and go to Waco for a few days. And that definitely came at an emotional cost. It was amazing, I wouldn’t trade any of those experiences for anything. It opened my eyes and was truly a life changing trip. God put me where I need to be for a light bulb to finally turn on. That being said, I haven’t really done anything to shut my work brain off since. Its always in sleep mode and jumps back on at the slightest movement/thought/comment. This has brought some really positive things. Gonna try and focus on that first. I’ve learned new things. I’ve met challenges and exceeded expectations, even my own. My coworkers continue to know my dedication to my job and why I love what I do, but I think its almost like parenting in the fact of I love it, I wouldn’t change it (mostly), it is a complete blessing but I need a break. My patience is shot. One of the things I’ve done this year is start counseling. It has helped me tremendously with tools to work on my temper and simmer down sometimes. I’m successful most of the time. I’m blessed to have a sounding boards that help me unload. I still have a lot of insecurity. I’m not sure how to deal with that and that’s part of next weeks adventure.

I took a week off starting on Monday. Knowing my struggles, its going to be a 100% break starting Tuesday, but starting this weekend I will mostly be on vacation. This isn’t a sit on my butt and do nothing kinda vacation. This isn’t another get away from home/trip vacation, although it could be as life changing as the last. I’m spending next week with my family and caring/building my life. Family time won’t be all four of us all of the time but I’m spending next week on an adventure to work on my life. Monday, Buggy and I are going to meet with her doctor about her mental health. Her doctor is a little over an hour away so, girls road trip! I notice more and more that she is becoming a teenager and she needs me to help her navigate that as much as possible. My teenage years weren’t the greatest of my life, but I do want to help her as best I can. Tuesday, we, all four of us are going to an amusement park for the first time. In the last few weeks I’ve been blessed with moments of all of us happy or having fun at the same time. Its something I’ve missed. My kids have missed. I’m so freaking excited. Now, I know we will have annoyed passengers from the early wake up and drive. I know there will be fighting and patience testing moments, but I’m over the moon excited for the other moments that have proven to tip the poo scale in the other direction. Wednesday, I’m going to the dr to see if my hormone levels have gone all whackadoodle and maybe get answers on how to help me health, more. I’m going to do some reading and other self-care work. Also hoping to get some water park time in since we have lived back in Fremont for 7 years, almost, and haven’t been there yet. There are other no as fun projects I hope to accomplish, but they all have some benefit. Pulling weeds, doing yard work, odd as it sounds it is kinda self care. The visual of accomplishment is awesome. I’m hoping to paint my front and side door. Again, self care in that its something I’ve wanted to do since we moved in two years ago. Accomplishment builds confidence. It also will be a few days of one on one for parts of the day with my Bear. I will get one on one with both of my babes without a work distraction or trying to balance my attention between them. That is what I’m look forward to the most. Time with my family in different aspects that’s been missing for a really long time. I’m praying this break will also recharge my batteries and give me an opportunity to come back refreshed and ready to tackle more goals.

I have big items on my to do list for 38. I’m not going to wait til I’m almost 40 and freak out. My huge take away from Waco was to thrive. So here’s to thriving for the next 51 weeks. Regardless of the situation. Surrendering to my Lord and thriving in all of the blessings he’s given me and look to him while I try to navigate what the enemy tries to take away with craptastic moments/events. Bear roar/mic drop!