2 subjects will be discussed in this blog. 1-daydreaming. 2-still working towards goals that could maybe possibly get me to the fiction my brain has wandered to the last few days. Still looking for positive. Still fighting when my body is fighting back. Why does change and improvement cause a fight. I mean, seriously, I’m working to better you. Get out the way, get out the way!
Daydreaming. I’ve heard catchy ways to describe fantasizing about the future as the best you possible. Can’t remember any of ’em right now to save my soul. But, here we go. The 1st one isn’t my 10 year self. Its my year and a half (Saturday) self. My 40th birthday party. I am so stinking excited about this party. Even if it happened tomorrow and my goals didn’t get hit. I can picture short beach wavy hair. My denim skirt and tee shirt that fit better than if I would even think about attempting them today. I’ve thought about that party a lot the last few days. The music, would I drink, what would be health-ish to drink. The sun shining. Celebrating at midnight that I hit 40. I lived to 40 years of age. My demons haven’t won. The enemy hasn’t won.
Then the daydream I didn’t expect to have. Public speaking (EEK, cue panic attack), telling my story and opening for Rachel Hollis at a Rise Event. Now, come on. This is about as far fetched as I’ve dreamt up in awhile. Not sure how my brain went there, but it did and it was kinda exciting to think about. It was overwhelming at the idea of talking about my trauma and coming out the other side. The idea that the fight I go through, every day could help someone or that anyone would want to hear.
Friday, my hubster got some not so great work news. He has a meeting today and is consumed with fear and straight up panic. “What if they fire me?” Instead of jumping on the freak out wagon, I reminded him of our tenacity as a couple and family. The things we’ve already overcome. How we can figure anything out because we always have. Honestly, I’m not sure if any of my words or attempts at comfort were received let alone sunk in. I do know that I surprised myself. My “word” for this month, to keep me going on this journey and creation of best me, etc is tenacity. I reached for that tool without a second thought. It was as easy as breathing. That was surprising to me. Not sure why, but it was.
My cubs have also blown me away. They were all in and wanting to do vision boards with me. Setting goals. Talking about ways to accomplish our goals and last night, babygirl, my goldie-locks who is as tiny as they get for an almost 11 year old, wanted to do yoga and stretching with me. She said, “Mom, we should do this every night.” I really do have an audience watching me right now. Baby Bear wants to work on his sleep schedule. Goldie her grades. They are seeing me want to be the best I can and they are too. How could I not be proud of that?
I started this chapter of this journey the middle of August 2019. Almost 6 months ago, and there have been bumps and set backs, but I’m still going. I’m still going to try to be a positive influence for my husband, my kids and anyone who wants to hang out along the way. I pray this post isn’t premature. All I can do is dig in and see what happens.
Happy Monday. Lets make it the best Monday we can, shall we?
Mentally Healthy Mama Bear in Progress 