Such a time as this

The above words are apart a bible verse one of my best friends introduced me to a few years ago. My faith fundamentally changed about six years ago when my daughter started (and my son has followed) into a Christian school. I thought I had a relationship with God prior to their start. It was so weak in comparison to what it is now. The summer before Goldilocks started Kindergarten I had her enrolled in Vacation Bible School. We bought the cd from the songs that she had been singing that week and they became the only rotation in my vehicle at the time. Some of the songs’ lyrics would catch me. Then I started seeking out more Christian music and artists.

Then new people came into my life or at least a different level of friendship was introduced as I started growing in my faith. I was fearful at first of growing. My husband is very agnostic and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but honestly, now my faith is ingrained in who I am. Like it or not. I’m trying to not hide that part of me, because its one of my favorite parts.

In the last month, or so, the plague has taken over the earth. Places are on lock down. You can’t even go to church. That being said, I’ve sought out worship more now than ever. Learning more. Growing more.

My faith makes me cry. I watched a video during a praise team concert and it showed God chiseling away the sin and things that kept the man from being true to God’s image and wants for his child. My tears made sense, to me. I cry during alot of church services. I cry at lots of songs. I explain this, as God uses my tears as a chisel. They wash away the junk that keeps me from him. That keeps me from the person I’m meant to be.

With the plague raging and churches closing, I’ve had the opportunity to help several churches get either their messages or a devotion or an entire service on the radio. Radio, my passion. My second home. One of the things I believe God put me on this earth to do. A daughter to him first, a mom to my babies 2nd, wife and radio employee. I’ve believed that it was my calling since I was 17. Its grown like crazy in the last 6ish years. Coincidence? The last few months have been extremely challenging and have had me questioning alot. Friday, Good Friday, we were given the opportunity to have the afternoon off. I loved every flipping minute of it, until 4pm. When a rush of text messages blew up my phone. My church couldn’t but on the service they thought was safe. Is it possible to get it on the radio? Can I bring the word of God to my community through my stations? I didn’t think twice I jumped in, we’ll make it happen. I rushed to the studio, started a promo. It was on. I saw my Pastor for just a few moments yesterday to help get the finishing touches on the plans. He looked wrecked. Exhausted. I knew how he felt. I told him to go rest.

When I started listening to the service (because I HAD to make sure everything was going like it was supposed to) the Pastor thanked me. My name personally, and I wept. The words from the verse/title of this post flooded my brain. On social media I thanked Him for the shout out. His response dropped me to my knees, gut wrenched, heart exploded tears streaming down my face. “God has placed you at this specific place, at this specific time, for this specific reason. To share the good news of Jesus”. All past decisions, choices that felt wrong, how exhausted I have been, how defeated I have felt and unsure and completely un-confident in pretty much everything was all for a purpose. Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created. Ester 4:14

This school and church grew has grown my faith beyond words. I believe with all my heart my son will be in ministry in some way. His faith blows me away everyday. My parents have grown away from the church since my sister and I went through high school, etc. My mom has been watching the services through streaming. My career has grown to the point where I had the ability to use my faith and spread His message. It has felt like a truly full circle. Now its time to dig in and become the rest of who I’ve been created to be. Mind, heart, body, soul and fur!