Don’t believe every grrrrrowl you hear!

I was duped. Short and sweet and yet not the full story. I started this journey based on my beliefs and stoked by reassurance from people I would probably label heroes. Wanting to be happy, healthy and thriving isn’t a new concept. Chasing dreams and a future, isn’t either. Yet, here I am, feeling betrayed.

The first of May, I got the opportunity of what I thought was a lifetime. I watched some self care authors and speakers that I adored and was introduced to others. New concepts, for me anyways and helped my fire grow. Until the final speaker, my hero broke my heart. In her previous books, this author talked about “mommy shame” is bs. Which I totally agree with! Then in her final speech, she shamed the HELL out of parents that show emotion in front of your kids. “Don’t let them see you run”. Don’t let them see your struggling, your emotion, your fear. I apologize in advance for the language about to be dropped, but FUCK THAT! I grew up in a house with no emotion. I’m messed up because of it. My kids would be too if I showed them nothing but sunshine and blue skies. I show my kids emotion. I show my kids its good and normal to have emotions. I’m showing my kids what to do with those feelings how to positively process those emotions. Shame me all you want “sister”. I’ll raise my kids, you raise yours. This started our break up journey.

After that speech, I paused that wife and husband duo for 30 days or whatever facebook lets you do. “We were on a break”. Just as I started seeing posts again, the world exploded. We are in the middle of facing racial injustice and fighting to level the playing field of mankind. Having a bi-racial daughter, I was surprised I didn’t see posts. Then a post about our happy, wonderful marriage and anniversary. Congrats! Then a post announcing their divorce, with a happy, joyful picture with the post. WHAT! “After a 3 year struggle” … There were podcasts and thoughts on how to have a happy marriage on how to have an exceptional marriage, etc. At first I was upset. Another talk with no walk. Then, this morning I realized something. She did walk her own talk. They never let us see them run. If this was truly a 3 year struggle, we never saw a bit of it. They had a perfect facade. I pray for the sake of their babies they saw it coming and weren’t blindsided. If divorce is the path they are going down, I pray for them, regardless of my feelings.

They did help start my journey. They did give me tools that have helped tremendously. They did expose me to other authors and motivational speakers I love! I’m just choosing not to be apart of their “tribe” anymore. Of not, financially adding to your facade. If I can’t believe your talk, I’m not going to waste my walk. You walk your walk. I’ll walk mine. Sorry, Not Sorry.