A Blank Mama Bear

I should probably turn this entry into my journal more than on this. My wheels are spinning and at a stand still all at the same time.

I adopted the Mama Bear monocle when it became popular and mainstream but also for some other circumstances. I have a family of 4. We’ve called my son Baby Bear since he was an infant. My daughter has gorgeous flowing blonde hair. We were officially Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. The movie Brave came out and the mother actually became a bear as she was dealing with her stubborn teenage daughter. I saw flashes of our future. Then the flood of Mama Bear merch hit. What locked it in as something I identified with was a meme I guess you call it was “Mama Bear is a gentle way of saying, if you mess with my children I will rip your insides out.” Yup. That’s it.

I would attack/rip out the insides of anyone coming after the people I love. I’ve gotten to the point in the last 8 years that my job and workplace have become my family too. The problem with that is I don’t have that same tenacity to take care of and protect myself. To be the strong Mama Bear my human people need. The Mama Bear, I want to be.

We’re doing a “challenge” at church that’s putting things in a new perspective. It’s made me question, everything in my life. Why I do things. Where thoughts and behaviors come from. How do I move forward in a way that is what I want out of this. How do I find happy or at least contentment and celebration of the blessings I know I have.

From the beginning, as early as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with recording and talking and playing radio. I’ve also been obsessed with fairy tales and romance and the idea that you aren’t complete without someone. I’m not complete without my Lord and my family. My daydreams go other places though and I need to steer the ship back around because the joy I have in my faith and my family is better than any daydream or fairy tale. It’s time for Mama Bear to get healthy so I can protect myself and family. My joy. I can only do it, with my God, steering that ship. I only want what He wants for me.